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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the safe haven for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

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Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|